Going Away, Going Home

First published in The Daily Sentinel, Friday, Sept. 8, 2007

Two weeks ago, my wife and I took our oldest child to college. She’s attending a school in northeastern Ohio; it’s about three hours from home. Many people have asked me how I’m doing with her being so far away – and I think they’re expecting me to talk about how much I miss her and wish she were closer.

But I don’t miss her. Well… let me say it differently: I am not wasting away because she isn’t around us so much anymore. Please don’t get me wrong. I love my daughter deeply, but part of that love is recognizing that I must let her go. If I try to keep her closer to home, that’s not necessarily the best thing for her – and it’s not the best thing for me. Both of us need space if we are going to make this transition successful.

I haven’t seen the movie, “Failure to Launch,” but the idea of adult children living at home with their parents doesn’t seem funny to me. Thinking back 20-something years, I couldn’t imagine wanting to live at home with my parents! Now that I’m the parent, I don’t want my kids living with me when they become adults. That is the time for all of us to move on to the next stage in our lives.

There’s a whole world out there waiting for my daughter. College provides the bridge between adolescence and adulthood, and I want her to cross that bridge successfully. Right now, she plans on becoming an English teacher – maybe even a college English professor. But she also enjoys other interests, and I wouldn’t be surprised if during the next four years she takes up one of them as her vocational interest.

She is tremendously excited about her future, and I share that excitement. I’m thrilled for her, and I look forward to seeing how God will use her. So while I certainly miss her, I do not want her back with me fulltime.

Jesus and his disciples experienced this letting go process, too. After all their time together, the disciples did not want to see Jesus go away from them. In fact, the idea was so unimaginable, that they ignored all his prophecies regarding his pending death. At one point, Peter even told him point-blank: “This will never happen!”

Jesus wasn’t dissuaded by their arguments or their ignorance. He went through crucifixion and into resurrection. He told them, “I tell you the truth; It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.” (John 16:7-8 NIV)

The Counselor Jesus told them about is the Holy Spirit. Jesus went away in order for the Spirit to come. Jesus could only be present physically with a few people at a time; the Holy Spirit is will all Christians simultaneously. Thank God that Jesus went away and the Holy Spirit came – for it is the witness of the Holy Spirit with your spirit that makes you a child of God! (See Romans 8)

Going away was difficult for Jesus, but he did it so that we could all someday be going home to be with him forever. My daughter’s going away is less difficult because I look to Jesus’ example, and I know that we are all going home to a REAL home together.

Having said all this, I recognize that there are situations in which parents and children do need to live together as adults. And those who are in those situations, please do not take this as a criticism against you. There are degrees of independence and healthy separation that are unique to each of us. So I ask you to allow the going away to happen according to God’s best – knowing that God’s best will let you go home.