R-E-S-P-E-C-T

First published April 11, 2008 in The Daily Sentinel.

My kids have never heard of Rodney Dangerfield. I made some sort of joke recently – the kind Rodney would have said – and they looked at me like I had just crawled out from the slime along the Ohio River after hitting flood stage. “Oh, c’mon!” I said, “can’t I get any respect around here?”

Those of us who can remember Rodney know that he built his entire comedy career around the idea of “I can’t get no respect.” I still laugh at the absurd ways he described the lack of respect that he received. He talked about going to see the doctor – his proctologist. “The doctor put a rubber glove on his hand then stuck his finger in my mouth!”

But aside from Rodney Dangerfield, there isn’t much humor in the increasing lack of respect demonstrated by so many in our society. My wife was driving home on I-77 from Parkersburg the other day when an ambulance with siren wailing and lights flashing appeared in her rear-view mirror. She pulled over to allow the ambulance to pass her. Ahead of her, two cars were driving side-by-side in both lanes. The ambulance came up behind the car in the left lane, and that driver refused to move over! I can only hope that if its one of my family members in an ambulance next time, other drivers will show more respect than that one did!

One can turn on the TV news and hear example after example of people refusing to respect other people, other people’s property, or other people’s needs. What does the war in Iraq ultimately boil down to? Respect. Each rival faction has little or no respect for the other factions, much less for the United States. Why do people commit fraud, break into homes or businesses, or spray graffiti on public buildings? Because they have no respect for others.

The respect problem is even in our schools (some may say “especially” in our schools). Students do not respect their teachers, and teachers do not respect their students. What is respectful about a teacher walking into the classroom and snidely saying something like, “OK, sluggards wake up and pay attention! Or is that too hard for you?” Of course, there is nothing respectful in a student responding to the teacher, “Forget you, dude!”

So where did we go wrong in passing down this idea of respect?

I really wish I knew the answer to that question! I grew up in a family that demonstrated respect and demanded respect, in return. Whenever I treated someone disrespectfully in the eyes of my parents (even if I didn’t think I’d been disrespectful), I was required to apologize and change my behavior. Once, I was kidding around with a cousin. We were going to play a game of chess, and I said, “Denny, I’m going to kick your b----”

My dad heard me say that. It was the one time in my life that my mouth was washed out with soap.

My upbringing is probably unusual in this day and age. And there may be some who would say that what my dad had me do was not very respectful itself. But let me tell you, I certainly was much more careful in what I said (especially when Dad was around!). I learned that words matter. And tone of voice matters. And context matters, too.

So how do we get respect back on track?

That’s a question that I will attempt to answer. It starts with me. And you. We show respect – even when someone does not show respect to us. Go back to the classroom example. The teacher walks into the room and shows respect to the students instead of disdain, indifference or hostility. The kids may not show it back, at first. But the teacher is persistent in respecting the students. Eventually, the example will stick. The key is patience.

If you have not seen “The Ron Clark Story”, then you may not know what I’m talking about. Ron Clark is a real teacher who went to teach in a middle school in Harlem, New York.

When Ron walks into the classroom, its in total disarray. The students are used to pushing their teachers hard enough that the teachers give up on them, but not Ron Clark. He toughs it out. Even when they graffiti the entire classroom. Even when they talk back to him. Even when they threaten him. Watch the movie, and you will see where respect begins.

You can also read your Bible: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:27-31)

Jesus is not telling his followers to be pushovers or wimps. He is telling us how to demonstrate a respect that takes the world by surprise. Surprise them enough, and they will start surprising you back in all kinds of good ways!

Take Rodney Dangerfield. At a memorial service on the one year anniversary of his death, written across the sky 2000 feet tall and three miles long was one word: RESPECT.

What will be written about you after you are gone? Start living today how you want to be remembered tomorrow.