A Loving Marriage Made More Difficult

First published in The Daily Sentinel, Friday, May 9, 2008.

I learned something new this week. I learn many new things every week, but this week’s lesson strikes me as particularly compelling. And I’m curious how others feel about it.

Mildred Jeter Loving died last Friday. Obituaries were printed in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post, and several other major media. Obviously, she was a pretty important person to get stories in all those newspapers, but I had never heard of her.

If I say Martin Luther King, Jr. or Rosa Parks, you will probably think of Civil Rights pioneers. But Mildred Loving – who never intended to be a civil rights activity – disappeared into the dustbins of history until a few people remembered her after her death. What was the civil right for which Mildred fought? The right to marry the man she chose – even if that man was of a different race than herself.

Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving were married in 1958. She was 18; he was 23. But Virginia law did not recognize their marriage because he was white and she was black. The prohibition against mixed marriages had existed in various forms since 1691. So a few weeks after the Lovings were married, they were awakened at 2 a.m. by the county sheriff and his deputies surrounding their bed and arrested for unlawful cohabitation. Their Washington, DC-issued marriage license was not recognized as valid by Virginian authorities.

Under a plea bargain, the Lovings were released from jail and told not to return to Virginia together. They moved back to Washington, but were never happy there. In 1963, Mildred wrote a letter to Robert F. Kennedy, then the U.S. Attorney General, asking for assistance. She was referred to the American Civil Liberties Association, who reviewed the case and decided to take it. On June 12, 1967, the US Supreme Court, in Loving vs. the Commonwealth of Virginia, unanimously struck down Virginia’s law as a violation of the 14^th Amendment to the United States Constitution. Miscegenation – the mixing of whites with other races – could no longer be banned by any state.

Not only had I never heard of Mildred Loving, I had never heard of the word “miscegenation” before, either. And I think of myself as having a large vocabulary! What makes this history and language lesson so compelling for me is that I wonder whether or not I am unique in needing such a lesson.

It has been a long time since I felt like a youngster. Being in the midst of my 4th decade probably has a lot to do with that. Back in the 1960s, I was not thinking about marriage; I cared more about toys, snacks and avoiding afternoon naps!

But today, marriage is extremely important to me, and so is equality. I work very hard at being unbiased by skin color, national origin, age and gender. While inter-racial marriages are not very common, I have known several couples of mixed race. Nothing about their marriages bothered me. In the back of my mind, I probably knew there was a time when that might not have been legal, but I never gave that a second thought.

One of the mixed-race couples that I know just got married a few years ago. He was a fellow student with me in seminary. She was already a clergyperson in Ohio. He’s black; she’s white. Both are incredibly intelligent, articulate, compassionate, and spiritual people.

I once told him that I saw him primarily as a man of God, not as a man of color. From my perspective, his skin could have been chartreuse, and I wouldn’t care. And yet, it was important to him for me to recognize that he IS African-American. He didn’t want me to be color-blind, but color-aware. Our racial heritages are important and should be considered; but they should never be defining.

The Apostle Paul wrote about how those who are Christians should particularly be aware that in God’s eyes, there are no longer defining differences among us: “You are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26-28).

So in an area of Ohio that is greater than 90% white, how do we see people whose skin color is different than our own? Do we acknowledge these differences, honor them, but not limit ourselves by them? Is it possible to create a world where vocabulary lessons on miscegenation are no longer necessary? Or do we need to retain the lesson so that we can know how far we’ve come in creating a land free of racial prejudice?